What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
