I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
