I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
