Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
