i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
