I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
