3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
