Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
