Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
