yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
