His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
