he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
worst night to have a conscience
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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