we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my being single is dangerous.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
