i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
