Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
