I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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