I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
