Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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