Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
