there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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