NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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