Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
