btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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