Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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