He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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