Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
