no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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