The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
