my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
