i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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