Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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