listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
