They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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