life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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