I want you more than these girls want KFC
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
