Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
