Dual....:-)
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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