I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
