"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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