I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
