just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
