Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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