Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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