i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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