wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
