I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
