hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize