no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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