Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
