There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize