I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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