I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
