Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
