You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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