dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
