RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
