areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
