dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
