We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
