HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
