oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You're like the curious george of whores
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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