I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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