smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
