he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize