just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
