I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
