my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
