if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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