you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
