There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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