I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I stole a fireplace last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
