took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My vagina just recognized that song.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.