I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.