apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like