hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain