This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
