went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize