I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
